Charlie Sheen recently signed a deal that will keep him employed as the leading actor on the show Two and Half Men. He’ll make about $2 million per episode. Here are the deal’s winners and losers.
Hookers Turned Extortionists
Crisis Management Firms Hired by CBS
People Who Insist America is on the Decline
Investors Who Shorted CBS and Time Warner
Judges on the Take
Guys who get drunk and insist they’re as funny as those idiots on TV
People who, at a recent dinner party, argued that this is the golden age of television
Anyone who has appeared on, written for or been associated with any show that’s shared a medium with Two and Half Men
Lawyers who bet they could proofread an entire contract without cracking up
Parents whose six year-old says to them, “Wait, I don’t get why this is funny.”
People who loved Jon Cryer as Duckie in Pretty in Pink and inadvertantly wondered what he’s up to these days
Really funny comedians who never got their pilots picked up
People who already hated Mondays
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