Here are the top ten potential uses of the Panetta eyebrows now being considered by the CIA and other government institutions.
1. They provide a potential soft landing for the economy.
2. Early missile defense system.
3. National Rabbit Ears to ease the digital TV transition for those families without cable or satellite.
4. They can be featured as the new logo for the CIA — raised in curiosity. (From my friend Mordy)
5. The court might see it as entrapment, but Bernie Madoff tried to hide 140 million in one of the eyebrows and himself and his sons in the other.
6. Think peace in the Middle East is an impossibility? Well, what if there were two Gaza strips?
7. Next Fall on ABC: David Blaine enters one (the more dangerous) of the eyebrows. Stays there for two terms.
8. Philippe Petit, most famous for his 1974 (Man on Wire) tightrope walk between the two towers of the World Trade Center is ready to surpass that achievement.
9. “The CIA Director never showed up, but some guy with huge mutton chops just stole my wallet.”
10. Picture this. He holds high level meetings with Iran’s top Mullahs. Inside one eyebrow, a recording device. Inside the other eyebrow, 10,000 special ops forces.