The product focus seems to have changed over the decades. This year, my halloween shopping is all about decorations for the house and giant bags of shrinking candy (why do they call the tiny pieces fun size?).

Back when I was a kid, once the lowest common denominator costume requirements were met (baseball cap, Giant’s t-shirt), my shopping list was altogether different. A bunch of us would head down to the Thrifty’s across from our school and purchase baskets full of the two items you needed for any self-respecting Halloween: Toilet paper and shaving cream (pity those who bought the gel stuff by accident).

Halloween was always a lot less about candy and costumes and a lot more about protecting yourself during what could only be described as a full invasion of the blocks near (but not too near) our houses. The candy was less about pleasure and more about providing that little extra energy rush so that you could nail the other kid with a face-full of Barbasol and split before he was able to pull his own can from its holster.

And the attacks and counter-attacks would go long into the night until every roll of toilet paper was down to its last square and every can of shaving cream was stone cold empty.

I was never the instigator (so don’t unsubscribe, Mom), but I was a willing accomplice in attacks on homes, cars, and peers and I stood by as unspeakably vile crimes were committed against mostly innocent pumpkins.

Castlewood was the most dangerous street in the neighborhood and it was also the steepest where suburban assault teams would roll oversized pumpkins (SMD: squashes of mass destruction) from the top of the hill down to the bottom, taking out whoever was in the way. And these weren’t the local kids. These were outside agitators, evil-doers, pumpkin rolling ringers who arrived via big tired pick-up trucks to make sure that we all knew dress up night didn’t change the bully hierarchy one bit. And believe me, a pumpkin can gain some pretty good speed as it rolls down a hill more than 1/2 mile long. One year, a kid was hospitalized after being upended by a speeding pumpkin.

Even now, my Halloween experience is informed by the post traumatic stress of these childhood experiences. I live in the city (am I the only one whose social fear increases with the level of rurality?). My house is on one of the flattest streets in town. After hearing the doorbell ring, I always open the door pretty slowly. And I never even think about shaving.

Sidenote: I will trade any candy you want for Smarties.

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Are you ever too old to go trick or treating? Um, yes.

Does Halloween create a stigma about mental illness?

Halloween is America’s Second Cheesiest Holiday

Nothing can round out a nutritious night of munching down Peanut Butter Cups and Snickers like a few slices of pizza. Is that part of your plan? You’re not alone. Halloween is the second busiest night of the year for Pizza joints.

and …

Eat Less, Live Longer (darn)

Those of us who were hoping for science to show a little love to high carb gluttony have been foiled once again. There is increasing scientific evidence that one of the best ways to extend life is through something ominously called calorie restriction. Animals who have been put on diets that cut their caloric intake by about 30% seem to be more healthy and live longer (their counterparts could be the only animal testing participants I don’t feel sorry for). According to a professor from MIT: “In mice, calorie restriction doesn’t just extend life span. It mitigates many diseases of aging: cancer, cardiovascular disease, neurodegenerative disease. The gain is just enormous.”

This is probably not great news for Takeru Kobayashi.

The Boring Twenties

Did you know that part of the federal funding that goes toward abstinence programs is targeted at folks between the ages of 20 and 29? Ok, then remind me again. What’s the point of being in your twenties?

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People can’t drive. People talking on cell phones really can’t drive. Enter web access for drivers ... More than $160 million bucks have been spent on negative ads this season (about $17 million on positive ones) ... Politicians who write dirty novels (a quiz) ... Renting purses online (please, not another bubble) ... Rescuing Hubble ... Race on the ballot in Michigan … And Oprah turns her audience members into philanthropists (is the word cult popping into anyone else’s head?) ...

This is from the newsletter, sign up here:

Web Superstardom, One Gender Schools, Dr. Limbaugh, Two Evils, Robotic Nannies and more…

(this is some of the content from Thursday’s newsletter. Sign up here to get it via email daily)

You Are a Web Superstar

One of the top agencies in Hollywood has created an online unit that will scour the web to identify and sign web superstars, who will then be pitched for mainstream deals. The web’s best thing (the billions that have been pocketed aside) has always been the breaking down of walls between content creator and content consumer. People perform in one way or another (blogging, singing, making videos, recording always on and always disturbing webcam performances, etc) and other folks decide whether or not to sit in on that performance, all without the guidance of any primetime programmers. Whether this new online talent agency is anything new at all is really another matter. We’ve all be discovering and discarding talent on the web since Mahir first said “I kiss you.”

I am most interested in watching the direction of the talent flow. Today, we’re still talking about finding web talent and putting it on television or into print. Is it that hard to imagine that in a few years we’ll be finding talented people on television and signing them to web deals to get them in on the really big action?

Same Sex Schooling

In a fairly dramatic shift, the Ed Dept will allow publicly financed school districts to create same-sex public schools as long as there are other options that are “substantially equal.” I wonder if there will be a grandfather clause. I’m still looking for a decent excuse for not getting laid in high school.

Dr. Limbaugh’s Shakedown

Desperate to matter in this election cycle, Rush Limbaugh chose an unlikely target of his nonsensical attacks: Michael J. Fox. Fox has been appearing in commercials (watch one here) supportive of candidates who favor federal funding of stem cell research. Limbaugh lashed out at Fox for, well, faking the symptoms of his disease. “He is exaggerating the effects of the disease. He’s moving all around and shaking and it’s purely an act … This is really shameless of Michael J. Fox. Either he didn’t take his medication or he’s acting.”

I guess when you swallow prescription pills by the handful you start to think that any symptoms call be controlled. Unfortunately, those associated Parkinson’s often can’t. And the same is apparently true for the symptoms associated with being a complete jackass.

Lesser of Two Evils

The GOP is looking to reverse some campaign trends by reaching out to conservatives with the message: It would be even worse under the Dems. This counters the Dems anti-Bush movement. Choosing between the lesser of two evils used to only be the way the voters looked at elections. Now it’s actually the core strategy of the people running.

Don’t Let Your Daughter Marry a Senator

The key campaign to watch over the next couple weeks is Harold Ford Jr’s attempt to be the first black Senator to represent a Southern state since Reconstruction. According to one voter who plans on backing Ford, “Oh, sure, there’s some prejudice. I wouldn’t want my daughter marrying one.”

and…

Robotic Nannies

Japanese engineers have come up with a new product that essentially is a robotic Nanny. I guess now my wife’s gonna know why I’ve been stockpiling all that WD-40.

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How Dilbert’s Scott Adams got his voice back (incredible) ... Self Esteem alert: There a lot of dead people who earn more than you do … 7-Eleven decides to remove a product called Cocaine from their shelves (relax, those pinkish twinkie things are staying, so who cares?) ... More than 100 service members sign a petition calling for withdrawal from Iraq … And at the rate we’re consuming, Human’s may need the equivalent of two planets worth of natural resources by the year 2050. No pressure, but either we find another few planets are half of you will have to go…

Sometimes it’s really weird to see what searches end up with Davenetics as the top result... (and without a doubt, the sponsored matches are even weirder).

Bin Laden in political ads. Team GOP not wearing desperation well…

Foley’s Follies, Borat’s Invitation, Parenting by Britney, Less Grasso Green, Ozone Oh No, the Hip Accordion and more in newsletter issue 2. Be sure to sign up.

The first issue of the all new Davenetics Newsletter has been sent. I covered all the basics in the first issue: Porn, Gambling, Foley, Brawls, Elections, and the Oompa Loompa dudes.