. . . Friday April 14, 2006

Waiting for Herschel, Part 4: The Chinese Plot

So while putting together the various toys and nursery furniture items for Herschel’s room I’ve come across what I think could be a long term plot by the Chinese.

There are two factors to consider.

The first is obvious. Just about every item in the nursery was made in China.

The second is slightly more subtle. Almost everything I’ve put together has only called for a single tool. A phillips screwdriver. Need to put together a vibrating seat? Get a phillips screwdriver. Want to add batteries to a medium-sized toy? Grab a screwdriver. When our changing station wall-unit slash dresser arrived in 8 massive boxes, I was shocked to learn the entire job (for which I had set aside 4-6 weeks of total attention) required only 16 screws. That’s it.

So at this point, the plot should be obvious to you. But just in case, it goes something like this:

Several years from now, during a particularly contentious international debate, the Chinese government orders the detonation of silent bombs in cities and towns across America and boom, just like that, with an involuntary turn of the screw, all of our shit falls apart.

Homeland Security tip: Superglue.

Concentration is important!