. . . Thursday March 23, 2006

Waiting for Herschel, Part 3

Being down to a couple months to go before the H-Bomb drops, I’ve heard all the warnings and words of wisdom about having a kid.

Get ready to be really tired!
Oh really, I never heard such a thing, thanks

It’s really, really hard, but it’s worth it.
Great. Making a note of that.

You’ll never be able to go out again.
Not true probably, but I hate going out. Not a concern.

It’ll change your life…
Getting a cat changed my life. A plasma TV changed my life. Fresh Choice changed my life. I had the feeling that having a kid would be up there, but thanks for the confirmation.

Terrible warning. Awful story. Horrific tales. Followed by the line, “But really, I gotta tell you, this is the best thing that will ever happen to you.”
Me: “No offense. But we can never hang out again.”

Has anyone warned you about cracked nipples?
Who are you and why is your hand on my wife’s stomach?

I need some advice I can use. Actionable stuff. I know I will be tired. I expect it to be a lot of work. And I’m pretty darn sure bringing another life into my world will be life-changing. I am an American, Jewish male. Trying to put together the friggin crib changed my life, made me tired and took me to a level of stress I hadn’t imagined. Check, check, check. Got it.

What I really need help with is coming up with a way to explain to the kid just how much different television was before TiVo came out.


Concentration is important!