The most common phrase in my house is probably: “Dave, wake up.” I tend to fall asleep after a few minutes of television watching. Sometimes it’s involuntary and hard to explain (24, Lost) and sometimes it’s a defense mechanism (CBS comedies, Kate Hudson movies, Oprah getting even with someone she’s mad at…).
The sleep comes on strong and runs deep. Cats can jump up and land on my chest. I’m still out. Phone rings. Nada. Small earthquakes. I murmur a bit and roll over, but that’s about it.
There is one exception to this rule.
No matter how deep my sleep, my body and mind will not allow for poor TiVo management. When a commercial arrives, one of my eyes opens slightly and my thumb hits the fast-forward button. I have successfully managed two-hour shows – never allowing more than a second or two of commercial interruption – without having actually watched a single scene of the actual show.
I can’t hammer a nail or change my oil while I’m awake, but I can operate most of my consumer electronics while deeply asleep.
Is this the modern description of the man of the house? Or is it just the best I can do?