Let’s look at the Presidential approval numbers for a second.

As of earlier this month, 88% of Dems disapproved of the job W was doing while a cool 8% approved.

88-8. Think that’s a little overboard? Michael Brown had better numbers among Katrina victims.

And what about the Republicans? Nearly 80% of them approve of the job the President is currently doing.

Folks, Jenna Jameson couldn’t hit an approval numbers like that at a bachelor party.

Step by step, we are gradually replacing thought with party in this country.

“It’s Tricky if You’re Recording a Vocal to Get Called Out Because There’s a Finance Minister on the Phone.”
—Bono (Time’s Person of the Year along with Bill and Melinda Gates.)

W came out swinging on the secretive eavesdropping story:

“This is a highly classified program that is crucial to our national security. Its purpose is to detect and prevent terrorist attacks against the United States, our friends, and allies. . . .And the activities conducted under this authorization have helped detect and prevent possible terrorist attacks in the United States and abroad.

“I have reauthorized this program more than 30 times since the September the 11th attacks, and I intend to do so for as long as our nation faces a continuing threat from al Qaeda and related groups.”

This statement doesn’t do much to answer the legal and ethical questions. After all, one could make a similar statement about getting murderers off the street, etc.

But Dems should be very careful about trying to exploit this as a political issue.

My gut is that most Americans will buy this argument. Remember, most of us (it turns out) approve of the use of torture in some cases and I’m sure the same is true when it comes to bending the rules to catch the bad guys.

Vic Mackey and The Shield aren’t popular shows for nothing.

There are really two issues here. An ethical and legal one. And a political one. Beware of letting the latter get ahead of the former.

Robert Novak is bolting CNN for Fox News.

This is sort of like that peanut butter + chocolate moment.

Except in this case, it pretty much tastes like crap.

So MTV is close to launching their much anticipated music service which will be powered by Microsoft.

In other words, no it will not work with iTunes.

So you’ve got the arbiter of cool choosing MP3 players that are short of the coolest. Given iTunes closed world, the move might make some sense.

But what if iTunes wins? I mean what if the young kids stick with the iPod and stay away from this massive play by MTV?

Will we have a new home of cool?—Not that we’re not already leaning in that direction, but it’s one thing to be cooler than Real or Napster and another thing to be cooler than MTV.

And if Apple can dominate the battle of the cool for young minds when it comes to music, maybe those laptop and desktop sales will go up as well?

Oh yeah, and then there’s that video content folks have been downloading lately…

Perhaps nothing about our current cultural debates is more absurd that the battle over the name we use for a Christmas/Holiday Tree (why not just call it the foliage sponsored by Target?). Is it an attempt at diversity? Political correctness run amuck? An attack on Christianity (Hah, an attack on Christianity accusation at this point in our country’s history. What’s next, the Pope complaining about high rents in Vatican City?).

Whatever is at the root of this Holiday Tree vs Christmas Tree debate, it must come to an end now.

So on behalf of the Jewish people and for the good of my nation, I hereby cede the issue. We fold. We give. We default. Oy Vey, we cry Uncle.

Keep the friggin tree.

From this day forth, let all associated December trees be called Christmas Trees. We get it. I don’t want my nephew’s bar mitzvah to be called a birthday party, or to watch someone blow out the menorah, or to hear Matzoh referred to as Holiday Cardboard (though it would be a more descriptive name). And I sure don’t want the burning bush to be called the flammable talking shrub (although that phrase does bring back some fuzzy memories from my college years).

No, it’s settled.

Holiday Trees are banned. Christmas Trees are back.

But we have a few conditions.

There are of course other words – Jewish words – that have been slowly absorbed into the secular or Christian dialect and we want them back.

Here is our list of vocabulary demands:

From this day forth, should you accept the terms of this deal, someone is who is really smart shall be known as a Jewnius.

The Hollywood Diet: Yom Kippur

Television: Jewivisionis (The last “is” being a hat tip to Regis who really should drop the Notre Dame schtick and come on home.)

Saying something funny: Jumor
(related – Jewsterical, Kidding: Yidding)

Wildly surpassing a woman’s lovemaking expectations:
Jewing it

Toolbox: Goybox

Rudolph: Judolph (Come on folks … the prominent nose, the horns, the drive to keep the business running on the most important commercial day of the year. This is the most stereotypical Jew since Topol played Tevye in Broadway’s Fiddler in the Roof …)

Christmas Spirit: Wal-Mart vs Target

Psychoanalysis: Couch Jewtatoes

New York: Jew York

Abstinence: No Chuppah no Schtuppah

Diversity: Jewversity (go to an African American show in Brooklyn, you’ll see African Americans and Jews, Cuban show, Cubans and Jews, etc.)

Debate: Kvetch

Jeurosis

Paying Retail: Premature Ejaculation

Hypocondria: Awake

Acid Reflux Syndrome: Oy

Chinese Food: Lunch

Venture Backed Start-up: Bar Mitzvah Boy

Guilt: Guilt (It’s like Xerox or Tivo at this point, no?)

New NCAA Football Divisions: Division 1, Division 2, Division 3, Pop Warner, Pee-Wee, Jews

Jews for Jesus (we’re throwing this one back):
Goys Gone Wild

Kabbalah (Shalom, you and Madonna can have it now):
Madonnabalah

Monlogue Driven Matriarchy: Family Dinner

Fox News: Schmucks

And we’re taking some of our old schoolers back:

Saint Paul: Saint Saul

New Testament: Alternative Ending

Jesus Christ: Irv Bernstein