. . . Friday November 4, 2005

The Tie (and Glue) That Binds

There are bad breakups and then there are really bad breakups:

A man claims his ex-girlfriend owes him more than $30,000 for gluing his genitals to his abdomen five years ago. “This was not just some petty domestic squabble,” attorney Grey Pratt told a Westmoreland County jury Wednesday.

His client, Kenneth Slaby of Pittsburgh, is suing Gail O’Toole of Murrysville. His lawsuit claims the two broke up in 1999 after dating for 10 months and Slaby began dating someone else.

Slaby contends that O’Toole invited him over to her home on May 7, 2000, where he fell asleep. He woke up to find that O’Toole had used Super Glue to stick his genitals to his abdomen, glued his buttocks together and spelled out a profanity on his back in nail polish.

Two questions for the unhappy couple:

If you’re the girl, was the nail polish profanity really necessary? Seems like an effective point had already been made, no?

And if you’re the dude, who do you call for help?

Concentration is important!