. . . Wednesday May 11, 2005

Is That a Whizzinator in Your Pocket Or…

There’s almost no unembarrassing reason for an NFL runningback to be caught trying to sneak a dildo through an airport – but things go from bad to worse when the item in question is actually a fake willy used to pull one over on drug testers and you’ve been busted in the past.

Those are the basic facts of the case when it comes to Onterrio Smith of the Minnesota Vikings:

Vikings running back Onterrio Smith, who has a history of violating the NFL’s substance-abuse policy, was briefly detained by airport police last month after they found an elaborate kit used to beat drug tests.

Police at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport questioned Smith on April 21 after a search of his bag discovered vials of white powder, according to a police report.

Smith told officers it was dried urine used in conjunction with a device called “The Original Whizzinator.” The officer who filed the report wrote that Smith “told me that it was dried urine for making a clean urine test.” In addition, he had a bottle of pills labeled “cleansing formula.”

To fully grasp the story, you’ll probably want to head over to the Original Whizzinator website where you’ll be greeted by taglines such as: Undectable! Foolproof! Re-usable!

For the discerning customer, the Whizzinator comes in tan, brown, black, white and Latino. Dehydrated urine sold separately.

And don’t take Onterrio’s word for it. Be sure to read through the site’s testimonial page which features the following gems:

  • Wow this product is great. I passed my drug test like that! you guys are so awesome. because of you, im not in jail..ty

  • Thank the good lord for the whizzinator!
    this thing is awsome! it’s by far the ultimate tool for living in todays warpped society. its the best, an so easy to use!!!!!!! thank you guys so much!
  • my husband could not pass a drug test to get a decent paying job because we smoke a little to relax. Now he has a job and together we make enough to have a comfortable life.  To all of you who think people should stop doing everything they do.  Everytime you take one of those doctor prescribed pain pills or nerve pills when you know in your mind it’s just to feel a little better or drink your beer or wine to relax it is the same only marijuana grows naturally and the bible even gives us all the plants of the earth so who are you and who is the government to say it is bad when even God doesn’t and if it was legal to grow  more people would be eating it instead of smoking it which would take away most if not all negative aspects.
  • I was sweating it out on the day of my Drug screening test at a big company….but the Whizzinator came through big time and i was toking it up before and after the screening ;)
  • This product saved my ass!

    Amazingly, Onterrio Smith got stopped going through airport security because a tube of toothpaste he was carrying set off an alarm.

    Call this life immitating The Onion.

  • Concentration is important!