. . . Thursday December 23, 2004

Closing the Book on the Opening Ceremonies

The FCC decided to make public some of the now infamous nine mailed complaints about the supposedly obsene displays during the broadcast of the opening ceremonies of the Summer Olmpics on NBC.

To make a long story short, it looks like we may need a new adult channel dedicated solely to disrobed statues (they never, ever go limp, you know), especially those of historical significance.

The complaints (riddled with typos and spelling errors that a grammarian might find obscene) can best be summed up by one letter-writer who explained: “My children saw an exposed breast during the opening ceremonies,” and another who asked, “How could NBC be allowed to show the male genitalia on national television?” By the way, the writer here is referring to a reproduction of a statue. If you can get off to that, my hat is off to you (so are my pants for that matter).

This would all be ridiculously funny if it weren’t for the fact that handful of nuts like these can actually move policy in this country. Remember, 99.8% of all complaints to the FCC this year came from a single organization. And yet policies were rocked.

The concerns of tiny group of television watchdogs turned major political force can perhaps best be summed up by yet another outtake from the opening ceremony letters of complaint:

“To sit there with my kids and watch a guy basically rip off a girls [sic] clothes while appearing to have sex, has nothing to do with Olympic tradition.”

That’s right of course. Isn’t it time that we got back to the days of gladiators fighting to the death? That would make a hell of the lot better television than catching a few glimpses of statue’s tit.

Concentration is important!