. . . Wednesday August 11, 2004

My Plan to Get Us Off Foreign Oil

OK, this might sound a little far-fetched, but I think I’ve come up with a pretty good plan for a starting point to encourage fuel conservation and ultimately break our jones for foreign crude.

Let’s convince the two presidential campaigns to save fuel and other travel-related expenses by sharing a plane and a bus and going from town to town together (I sort of stole this idea from the Harlem Globetrotters and the Washington Generals).

First of all, the campaigns would set an important example by creating the country’s most unlikely carpool lane. Second, the campaign and press crews could get a little variety when it comes to going through drive-thrus, etc. How much TexMex can a person take? Third, the buzz would put the fun back into politics. Town residents would wait on the side of the freeway as if the WWE were pulling into town and the candidates could participate in a series of events that resemble the old Battle of the Network Stars (Kite Surfing, Mountain Biking, Avoiding Straight Answers to Simple Questions, The Medal Toss, Pretzel Speedeating, Taking Credit for a Naturally Occurring Trend, Name that Nuance, the 60 Second Fundraiser, Pin the Leak on the Operative, the Nicknaming Showdown, The Spotterless Press Conference, etc.).

And if you look at the travel schedules and routes taken by Bush and Kerry, the whole idea makes perfect sense. They are basically always ending up in the same place at the same time as it is.

And what the heck. In the spirit of fair play, let’s chainlink Nader’s Pinto to the back of the bus and tow him along for the ride.

Concentration is important!