Chalk it up to the absence of self-restraint caused by four nearly sleepless nights and a week straight of lugging my laptop, camera and about 72 tchotchkies around Boston, but last night, after the last balloon had hit the arena floor (and I had done a surreal guest spot on Fox Radio), I decided to conduct an exclusive interview with the bust of George Washington that rests on a mantel in my hotel lobby. I could only get in a few questions (mostly because a confounded hotel doorman approached), but here is the transcript.
Electablog: There’s been so much talk of the partisan divide. Is it a problem?
Washington: It’s true we haven’t seen it this bad in years, but as long as Revere lets us know they’re coming, we should be OK. Worst case scenario, we always know we can count on the French.
Electablog: Any thoughts on the whole gay marriage controversy?
Washington: Look, I don’t know what Jefferson has been spreading around this time. But let me make this very clear. A threesome is not gay.
Electablog: There was a moment in the early days of this Republic when you could have essentially become president for life. You passed. How important was that decision?
Washington: It was the most important decision of my life. But the struggle is nowhere near over. I hear that John Adams is thinking about running for president and then having his son become president a few years later. Anything like that would obviously be a disaster.
Electablog: If there is one message that you could pass on to future generations of Americans, what would it be.
Washington: Whatever you do, don’t let the Tony Danza talkshow happen.
Electablog: Well, thanks for taking the time.
Washington: No problem. Hey, how about if you stuff me in a suitcase and move me over the mantel at the Ritz?