. . . Friday June 25, 2004

Hold the Desecration?

Several years ago, we thought there was no better way to offend a young person with whom you’d had a heated and passionate affair than to deny as much and then describe her publicly as “that woman.” Well, apparently there is a more effective way to offend her. She could, for example, be described in one’s recently released memoir as a piece of meat. Or more to the point, as a dessert on a buffet table (and in this, the age of anti-carbohydrate movement, could one stoop any lower than to make another person feel like dessert?).

Apparently that’s precisely how Bill Clinton’s memoir made Monica Lewinsky feel.

“I really didn’t expect him to go into detail about our relationship. But if he had and he’d done it honestly, I wouldn’t have minded … I did though at least expect him to correct the false statements he made when he was trying to protect the presidency. Instead, he talked about it as though I had laid it all out there for the taking. I was the buffet and he just couldn’t resist the dessert. That’s not how it was. This was a mutual relationship, mutual on all levels, right from the way it started and all the way through … I don’t accept that he had to completely desecrate my character.”

Oh, poor Monica. How little she’s grown up in the post cigar era. She still doesn’t realize that extramarital affairs just aren’t nearly as fun if they’re described honestly and are void of some good old fashioned character desecration. Perhaps the only good news for Miss Lewinsky is that the former Prez has been quite true to his personalized South Beach Diet plan. If nothing else, he has at least shown an increased ability to push away from the buffet table before dessert.

And as you probably know, Hillary is 100% protein.

Concentration is important!