. . . Wednesday May 19, 2004

Lynndie’s Personal Ad

Based on a quick perusal of the some of the personals at various dating sites, it looks like Lynndie England is back on the market.

I am a:

Private Public First Class


Multiple partners up for anything, Whining a Plus.

Interested In:

Dating, Exhibitionism, Inflaming World Hatred, Systematic Humiliation and Degradation, Water Torture, Sean Hannity




Fayetteville, N.C. (but willing to travel)


Love it or leave it punk


Former Liberator

Looking for in a Relationship:


Looking for in a Mate(s):

Humility, Intelligence a Major (and General) Turn-On


Insurgents, people who insist on removing the sack from their heads, guys who puke when under duress.

Quirks or Habits:

I have a slightly non-traditional definition of doggy-style.

Relationship Status:

You let me worry about that

Have Children:


Want Children:

If it’s anything like having prisoners


Only during beatings

Last great book I read:

The Corrections, Mary Matalin’s Guide to How to Handle Your Man, Heart of Darkness, Anything by Bill O’Reilly

Favorite on-screen sex scene:

Tie between Ed Norton and Brad Pitt

in Fight Club + All of the movie Midnight Express.

Celebrity I resemble most:

Cross between Jeff Dahmer and Jimmy Fallon

Best or worst lie I’ve ever told:

Who’s Rumsfeld?

If I could be anywhere at the moment:

All up in your shit, or Crawford, TX

The five items I can’t live without:

Handcuffs, Hoods, KY Jelly, Toby Keith CDs, Direct Orders from My Superiors.

What’s Sexy?

Authority is sexy; Total domination of defenseless and innocent prisoners in third world countries is sexier.

In my bedroom, you’ll find:

Posters of Shawn Cassidy and David Brooks, Colin Powell’s credibility, a well made bed, Saddam’s WMDS, Ann Coulter

Concentration is important!