. . . Wednesday April 7, 2004

The Straight and Narrow-Minded?

Not satisfied to rescue straight guys from the land of the unfashionable, Bravo is now set to introduce Queer Eye for the Straight Girl. What I’d really like to see is a show called Straight Guy for the Straight Girl. I imagine each segment would only last a few seconds. Here’s a few possible exchanges for the pilot episode:

Initial Assessment

Straight Guy 1: Dude?

Straight Guy 2: Yeah.

SG1: She’s not that hot. But she’s pretty hot.

SG2: Yeah.


SG1: She’s a buttoned-up lawyer. Smart, shy.

SG2: Pant suits. Conservative hair. Sensible shoes.

SG1: Let’s go with two-sizes too small Daisy Duke shorts…

SG2: A torn tube top, no bra, blonde extensions.

SG1: Six inch clear heels, neon body paint.

SG2: Pump up the lips and the jugs and it’s off to the esteem-building lapdance class.

The Remodel

SG1: What’s that little box in the corner?

SG2: I think it’s a TV?

SG1: Ha. Bring in the 60 inch plasma.

SG2: So we’ll need darker curtains, surround sound…

SG1: Waterbed, foosball, recliner, beanbag chair.

SG2: Wait, can a keg fit into that tub?

SG1: I’m on it. Just get the rest of these plants out of here.


SG1: She’s still not my type.

SG2: No conversation. No curiosity.

SG1: Yeah, but I’d probably do her.

SG2: Oh, most definitely. Cool.

Concentration is important!