. . . Saturday April 3, 2004

Addiction Abuse Study Completed

Thanks to the altruistic decision by the Osbourne family to place themselves and their kids into one of modern society’s most toxic petri dishes, we now have the results of yet another sociological study. It turns out that, if you celebrate your lifelong drug and alcohol abuse and the toll it’s taken on your brain and body, never grow out of your childish excesses, put your family’s severe dysfunction on display so the world can laugh along, and let your ill-developed and unsupervised children be turned in MTV action figures, then yes, there is a significant possibility that those abused by being exposed kids just might experiment with drugs themselves. First it was Jack. This time it’s Kelly. Sociologists are still awaiting the results related to what impact this environment will have on the family’s pets – few are terribly optimistic as made apparent by the working title of this part of the report: “Getting Fixed and Then Getting a Fix.”

And give Ozzy and Sharon some credit here. They responded to the news of their daughter’s addiction in exactly the manner recommended by the top experts. Step one: Check her into a rehab clinic. Step two: Go on Larry King.

Concentration is important!