Maybe it’s because one of the walls in my house is painted with Martha Stewart’s Araucana Green (or perhaps it’s the non-stop coverage of what promises to be America’s most parodied perp walk), but I find that I am unable to stop wondering who will take over the company that bears her name when Martha is stamping out the world’s most decorous license plates. A few names have come to mind such as Ken Lay (we’ve got figure out some way to get this guy in handcuffs and we now know the path to damnation is lined with potpourri), Rush Limbaugh (currently society’s leading expert on mother’s little helper), David Chase (he’s all-too-familiar with taking away our icons for 18-24 months and we always welcome them back with open arms), or my own stockbroker (not only is he above doling out insider info, he’s even – just to be above reproach I suppose – failed to give me a single decent buying tip). But none of these guys could move enough towels, plates, pots and bland recipes to keep Martha’s empire afloat.
That’s why I think Martha Stewart’s board should waste no time and hire either Ed Gillespie or Terry Mcauliffe. After all, we know that (regardless of what they’re selling) at least 48% of the public will buy their products no questions asked.