My wife (when she wasn’t busy filling the Martha void) and I have spent the better part of the last month trying to come up with a definition of marriage that everyone could agree on; something that really got to the essence of this cornerstone of American family values. We talked to family members, we examined historic documents, we re-lived every moment of our own marriage. This was all done in extreme secrecy, but we are now finally ready to go public with our definition. Here it is:
Now that we have a definition, let’s not allow couples with unpersonalized eclairs to destroy the meaning of marriage.