. . . Wednesday March 17, 2004

Bring it On, The Second Debate

It has in many ways been a unique electoral season. Both parties had their man lined up early, the country is deeply divided and we are in for eight long months of campaigning. The attacks have grown personal and the President has made the choice to get right in the mix of things – trading the bully pulpit for the risk of being perceived as a bully. Kerry has worked hard to fight back at every turn (maybe too often) and has thus far been successful in his effort to avoid being Dukakisized. It will be many months before the Bush team takes up Kerry’s challenge to participate in regular debates. But we already know the issues and differences anyway. So while we’re waiting for the real thing, here is the second in the It’s Already Been Brought series; a Reader’s Digest version of a possible second debate between Bush and Kerry.

(The first debate can be found here.)

Kerry: Bring it On

Bush: No, you Bring it On

Kerry: Alabama No Show

Bush: No funding to support our soldiers

Kerry: I am our soldiers

Bush: Tax and Spend

Kerry: Nu-cu-lar?

Bush: Wartime President

Kerry: Mission Accomplished?

Bush: Northeast Liberal

Kerry: The Texas Rangers?

Bush: The U.S. Senate?

Kerry: Lincoln Bedroom

Bush: Lincoln, Nebraska

Kerry: That’s Bob Kerrey

Bush: Let’s Roll

Kerry: I’ve got three words for you…

Bush: $87 Billion

Kerry: $7 Trillion

Bush: Family values, stem cells, traditional marriage, American wife

Kerry: Howard Stern, John McCain

Bush: Foreign Leaders?

Kerry: Plenty of ‘em.

Bush: Name names.

Kerry: Private conversations

Bush: Waffler, credibility, wishy-washy, accusatory, fake.

Kerry: Crooked liar

Bush: Who was it, Chirac? Sharpton? I want the truth

Kerry: You can’t handle the truth

Bush: But Cheney’s a master at handling it

Kerry: OK, Chirac

Bush: Come on, which foreign leaders?

Kerry: Mubarak, Vajpayee, Bondevik, Blair, Kohl, Kwasniewski

Bush: I want names

Kerry: Mbeki, Zapatero, Erdogan, Martin, Howard, Clark

Bush: Shouldn’t have said it if you can’t back it up…

Kerry: Putin, Lula da Silva, Verhofstadt, Spidla, Hu

Bush: So then there’s no one.

Kerry: Rasmussen, Stephanopoulos, Medgyessy, Ahern, Sharon…

Bush: Sharon?

Kerry: Didn’t like the nickname.

Bush: What’s wrong with “Pringles?”

Kerry: DeLay

Bush: Kucinich

Kerry: Cheney

Bush: Sharpton

Kerry: You mentioned him already

Bush: You bet I did

Kerry: Ground Zero images in commercials

Bush: With us or with the Kerrorists

Kerry: The Skull and Bones circle jerk initiation, 1968

Bush: The Skull and Bones circle jerk initiation, 1966

Kerry: Short

Bush: French Hair

Kerry: Limbaugh, Hannity, O’Reilly, Ingraham, Coulter, Novak, Savage, Falwell

Bush: Garofalo

Kerry: Ken Lay

Bush: Martha

Kerry: Bring it on!

Bush: No, you bring it on!

Concentration is important!