It has in many ways been a unique electoral season. Both parties had their man lined up early, the country is deeply divided and we are in for eight long months of campaigning. The attacks have grown personal and the President has made the choice to get right in the mix of things – trading the bully pulpit for the risk of being perceived as a bully. Kerry has worked hard to fight back at every turn (maybe too often) and has thus far been successful in his effort to avoid being Dukakisized. It will be many months before the Bush team takes up Kerry’s challenge to participate in regular debates. But we already know the issues and differences anyway. So while we’re waiting for the real thing, here is the second in the It’s Already Been Brought series; a Reader’s Digest version of a possible second debate between Bush and Kerry.
Kerry: Bring it On
Bush: No, you Bring it On
Kerry: Alabama No Show
Bush: No funding to support our soldiers
Kerry: I am our soldiers
Bush: Tax and Spend
Bush: Wartime President
Kerry: Mission Accomplished?
Bush: Northeast Liberal
Kerry: The Texas Rangers?
Bush: The U.S. Senate?
Kerry: Lincoln Bedroom
Bush: Lincoln, Nebraska
Kerry: That’s Bob Kerrey
Bush: Let’s Roll
Kerry: I’ve got three words for you…
Bush: $87 Billion
Kerry: $7 Trillion
Bush: Family values, stem cells, traditional marriage, American wife
Kerry: Howard Stern, John McCain
Bush: Foreign Leaders?
Kerry: Plenty of ‘em.
Bush: Name names.
Kerry: Private conversations
Bush: Waffler, credibility, wishy-washy, accusatory, fake.
Kerry: Crooked liar
Bush: Who was it, Chirac? Sharpton? I want the truth
Kerry: You can’t handle the truth
Bush: But Cheney’s a master at handling it
Kerry: OK, Chirac
Bush: Come on, which foreign leaders?
Kerry: Mubarak, Vajpayee, Bondevik, Blair, Kohl, Kwasniewski
Bush: I want names
Kerry: Mbeki, Zapatero, Erdogan, Martin, Howard, Clark
Bush: Shouldn’t have said it if you can’t back it up…
Kerry: Putin, Lula da Silva, Verhofstadt, Spidla, Hu
Bush: So then there’s no one.
Kerry: Rasmussen, Stephanopoulos, Medgyessy, Ahern, Sharon…
Kerry: Didn’t like the nickname.
Bush: What’s wrong with “Pringles?”
Kerry: You mentioned him already
Bush: You bet I did
Kerry: Ground Zero images in commercials
Bush: With us or with the Kerrorists
Kerry: The Skull and Bones circle jerk initiation, 1968
Bush: The Skull and Bones circle jerk initiation, 1966
Bush: French Hair
Kerry: Limbaugh, Hannity, O’Reilly, Ingraham, Coulter, Novak, Savage, Falwell
Kerry: Ken Lay
Kerry: Bring it on!
Bush: No, you bring it on!