. . . Monday March 29, 2004

Beyonce for VP

Compared to most of the other players currently presumed to be on John Kerry’s vice presidential watchlist (full poll here), John Edwards is scoring quite well among prospective Democratic voters with 30% of respondents indicating that they’d like to see the Senator from North Carolina on the ticket (unclear if this is a true measure of political support or just a sick desire to start hearing that story about the mill closing again). Dean, Gore, and Clark are all hovering around the 3% mark (just below Hillary at 4%), while Lieberman is looking up at Sharpton, Kucinich and several others at 1% (Joementum still felt it was necessary to say no to the Veep spot). The field is currently being led by “No One” with the backing of 35% of those polled.

But with a nation split so evenly, maybe it’s time for Kerry to look beyond the usual suspects, beyond the same old politicians, beyond in-the-box thinking, and pick someone who can go beyond expectations. What I’m suggesting here is that Kerry at least consider the notion of taking the path path more bootylicious: He should select Beyonce as his runningmate.

Dick Cheney, I don’t think you can handle this.

Why would Beyonce trump Cheney in the polls (aside from her pro-duck platform)? Well, with the help of an adoring public, she has demolished everyone else she has gone up against. Her midriff sent Britney off the deep-end at a wedding chapel in Vegas. Her fame forced Madonna to further humiliate herself (and we thank both for that) with public displays of affection with singers one could mistake for her granddaughters. And what of Beyonce’s voice vs Whitney? Houston is now known for rehab, desperate pleas for help, anemic record sales, and a less than heartfelt description of crack as whack. Beyonce even hooked up with her own bad boy rapper just to prove nothing can bring her down. And the booty? Remember when JLo was know for something else other than a failed relationship with Ben Affleck?

Kerry/Beyonce in 2004. The choice is so obvious. And the first order of business after the announcement of the selection: Challenge Dick Cheney to an acapella debate (I’ve got a theory that the guy’s been lip-syncing since he left Halliburton).

Concentration is important!