Tom Shales on whether or not television can be a cure for loneliness and depression. As he mentions, if it was, you probably wouldn’t see so many ads for anti-depressants while you’re flipping channels. In end Shales decides, “The best way to cure depression with television may be the simplest: Turn the damn thing off.” I’ve actually found the influence of the various inputs to be exponential when mixed. For example, try mixing Prozac, marijuana, Bud Light in the tall cans, and a couple Tivo’d episodes of The O.C.. Trust me. It’ll be like having Freud as a roommate.

Next week, Fox will unveil their latest reality program called The Swan wherein we will once again bear witness to the power of the surgery knife. From Fox’s press release: “After years of floating aimlessly and being thrown life’s crumbs, a gaggle of self-proclaimed ‘ugly ducklings’ are being given the chance of a lifetime; to be transformed into beautiful and graceful swans, reborn into beauties lovely enough to take part in a pageant and have their moment in the spotlight.”

The morbid, mind-controlling, draconian, fantatical freaks behind something called TV-Turnoff Week have suggested that for an entire week in the month of April you “Turn off TV” and “Turn on Life.” April also happens to be when Passover lands this year. No carbs and no TV during the same month? Might as well just go ahead and turn off my life support system.

Actually, it looks more like the Buckethead kicked them. The band, otherwise known as the guy who used to be Axl Rose, was forced to cancel a Lisbon show after their lead guitarist named Buckethead (because he is never seen in public without a KFC bucket on his head … “Gee your hair doesn’t smell terrific …”) dropped out of the tour, choosing instead to focus on his skyrocketing solo career (he opens for the band Particle tonight in Milwaukee).

The Queer Eye team prides themselves on being able to improve the look (and often the cleanliness) of almost anyone. Well they may want to really test their skills by visiting the set of King Kong. The movie will be directed by Peter Jackson and star Jack Black – I hope they’ll at least be a cameo for Jack’s Tenacious D colleague Kyle (perhaps the Fay Wray part?).